家庭與教會孰重孰輕
——當家庭比教會更重要的時候，我們的優先次序就走偏了
Our Priorities Are Off When
Family Is More Important Than Church
作者：JOSEPH HELLERMAN 譯者：誠之https://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2016/august-web-only/if-our-families-are-more-important-than-our-churches-we-nee.html
https://www.h-land.us/blog/a24ccb70-012d-11eb-8a5d-9fd7b4dc7724
https://yibaniba.blogspot.com/2020/09/our-priorities-are-off-whenfamily-is.html
幾年來，我在一個以致力於普世宣教而聞名的教會中服事。我們當中的許多大學生都蒙召去做全職的跨文化事工，其中包括一個名叫比爾的聰明年輕人。然而，他父母對這件事的反應使比爾大吃一驚。他的家人一直在經濟上支持宣教士，為他們禱告，甚至在他們離開禾場休假時，還為他們提供主日午餐。但是，他們的兒子要把自己的生命獻給海外宣教的想法，對比爾的父母來說，卻實在難以接受。他們希望比爾能找到穩定的工作，養育一個美好的基督教家庭——當然是像他們那樣支持宣教。
For several years, I served in a church that was known for its commitment to world missions. Many of our college kids were called into full-time cross-cultural ministry, including a bright young man named Bill. The reaction of his parents, however, caught Bill by surprise. His family had supported missionaries financially, prayed for them, and even fed them Sunday lunch when they were on furlough from the field. But the idea of their son giving his life to overseas missions was too much for Bill’s parents. They wanted Bill to find steady employment and raise a nice Christian family—one that supports missions, of course—like they had.
比爾的父母很難說是獨一無二的。根據巴拿機構最近的一項研究，美國成年人「最有可能指出他們的家庭構成了他們個人身份的一個重要部分」。其次是國家和上帝。基督徒也不例外；自然血緣家庭已經取代了上帝和祂的家庭，成為大多數教會信徒的主要身份標誌。
Bill’s parents are hardly unique. American adults, according to a recent Barna study, are “most likely to point to their family as making up a significant part their personal identity.” Country and God come next. Christians are no exception; natural family has usurped God and his family as the primary identity marker for most church-goers.
我們大多數人把對家庭的承諾放在優先於對教會的承諾之上。這是很不幸的，因為聖經為我們提供了一套不同的關係優先順序。
Most of us prioritize our commitment to family above our commitment to the church. This is unfortunate, because the Bible offers us a different set of relational priorities.
耶穌：是支持家庭還是反對家庭？
Jesus: Pro- or Anti-Family?
許多基督徒正確地說道，神愛家庭。在整本聖經中，家庭被賦予了在主裏養育孩童的任務。丈夫和妻子被命令要彼此忠誠，兒女要孝敬父母。保羅寫道：「人若不看顧親屬，就是背了真道，比不信的人還不好，不看顧自己家裏的人，更是如此。」（提前五8）。
Many Christians rightly say that God loves family. All throughout Scripture, families are given the task of rearing children in the Lord. Husbands and wives are commanded to be faithful to one another, and children to their parents. Paul writes that “Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 Tim. 5:8).
然而，在福音書中，我們發現關於家庭的指示是五花八門的。在一些地方，比如馬太福音十五章3-4節，耶穌似乎是支持家庭的，質疑法利賽人對第五條誡命「孝敬父母」的承諾。但在其他地方，祂似乎是反對家庭的。例如，在路加福音中，祂說：「人到我這裏來，若不愛我勝過愛（愛我勝過愛：原文作恨）自己的父母、妻子、兒女、弟兄、姐妹，和自己的性命，就不能作我的門徒。」（十四26）。
Yet in the Gospels, we find a mixed bag of instructions about family. In some places, like Matthew 15:3–4, Jesus appears to be pro-family, questioning the Pharisees’ commitment to the fifth commandment to “honor your father and mother.” But in other places, he seems to be anti-family. For instance, in Luke he says, “If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple” (14:26).
雖然我們感到震驚，但耶穌在路加福音中所說的這句話，其含義對祂第一世紀的聽眾來說，尤其具有挑戰性。古代地中海社會是一種強勢的群體文化。群體的健康和生存，優先於個人的目標和欲望。對家庭的忠誠構成了《新約》世界中人與人之間最重要的人際關係美德。
While shocking to us, the meaning of Jesus’s statement in Luke would have been especially challenging to his first-century audience. Ancient Mediterranean society was a strong-group culture. The health and survival of the group took priority over the goals and desires of individual members. Loyalty to family constituted the most important relational virtue for persons in the New Testament world.
但跟隨耶穌就意味著會隸屬於兩個家庭，一個是自然血緣家庭，一個是信仰家庭。與祂周圍的文化不同，對耶穌來說，最重要的是信仰家庭。耶穌「伸手指著門徒，說：『看哪，我的母親，我的弟兄。凡遵行我天父旨意的人，就是我的弟兄姐妹和母親了。』」（太十二46-50）。
But following Jesus meant belonging to two families, a natural family and a faith family. Unlike his surrounding culture, what is most important to Jesus is faith family: “Pointing to his disciples, he said, ‘Here are my mother and my brothers. For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother’” (Matt. 12:46–50).
耶穌呼召我們加入一個新的家庭，這就產生了不可避免的忠誠衝突。我現在該向哪個家庭效忠呢？
Jesus’ call to join a new family generates an unavoidable loyalty conflict. Which family do I now owe my ultimate loyalty?
擺正我們的優先次序
Getting Our Priorities Straight
我們大多數人都會對自己人際關係的優先等級進行這樣的排序：
1. 上帝
2. 我的家庭
3. 上帝的家（教會）
4. 其他
Most of us would rank our relationship priorities like this:
God
My family
God’s family (church)
Others
但聖經和基督教歷史都強化了神的家應該高於自然血緣家庭的觀念。耶穌主要不是呼召個人與祂建立私人的關係，而是呼召我們加入一個運動，成為新的家庭的一部分。對上帝的忠誠可以與對神的家的忠誠分開的觀念，對耶穌和早期的基督徒來說是陌生的。正如第三世紀迦太基的神學家居普良的名言：「不以教會為母親的人，也無法以上帝為父親。」
But both Scripture and Christian history reinforce the idea that the family of God should rank higher than natural family. Jesus did not primarily call individuals into a private relationship with him. He calls us to join a movement, to become part of a new family. The notion that loyalty to God could somehow be separated from loyalty to God’s family would have been foreign to Jesus and the early Christians. As third-century theologian Cyprian of Carthage famously said, “He who does not have the church for his mother cannot have God for his Father.”
西方福音派傾向於將耶穌視為個人的屬靈訓練師，與祂進行一對一地交流，導致我們把對上帝的忠誠和對神的家的忠誠區分開來。但對耶穌來說，與上帝建立關係的唯一途徑是在祂的家的共同體中。因此，耶穌的人際關係優先等級是這樣的：
Western evangelicals tend to think of Jesus as a personal spiritual trainer with whom we interact one-on-one, leading us to distinguish between loyalty to God and loyalty to God’s family. But for Jesus, the only way to relate to God is within the community of his family. Thus, Jesus’ relational priorities look something like this:
1. 上帝
2. 我的家庭
3. 其他
God and his family
My family
Others
雖然這個排序對大多數西方福音派來說很難接受，但卻能更好地理解耶穌的 「反家庭」言論。如果上帝和祂的家優先於我們的自然家庭，那麼家庭忠誠度衝突的問題就解決了。因為耶穌生活在一個家庭忠誠度至上的文化中，如果祂打算建立一個新的信仰家庭——一個優先于自然家庭的家庭——在祂在地上的職事中，祂顯然必須一次次地挑戰對自然家庭的忠誠度。這正是我們在福音書中所發現的。
While this ranking is tough for most Western evangelicals to embrace, it makes better sense of Jesus’ “anti-family” statements. If God and his family take priority over our natural families, the problem of conflicting family loyalty is solved. Because Jesus lived in a culture where family loyalty reigned supreme, if he intended to establish a new faith family—one which would take priority over the natural family—he would obviously have to challenge natural family loyalty time and again during his earthly ministry. This is precisely what we find in the Gospels.
儘管我們的自然家庭仍然是我們在世間最重要的關係，但我們必須學會將我們的自然家庭置於神的家的總體框架之下——不是作為爭奪時間和注意力的不同社會實體，而是作為同一個家庭的成員。
While our natural families are still the most significant earthly relationships we have, we must learn to situate our natural families under the overarching rubric of the family of God—not as distinct social entities competing for time and attention but as members of the same family.
由家庭塑造
Formed by the Family
耶穌的人際關係優先事項幫助我們明白，教會——神的家——在這裏不是為了服務於我們家庭的利益、它的喜好、欲望和需要。相反，我們的家庭是來服務神的家的。
Jesus’ relationship priorities help us understand that the church—the family of God—is not here to serve the interests of our family, it’s preferences, desires, and needs. Rather, our families are here to serve the family of God.
埃裏克·哈迪（Eric Hardie）在洛杉磯地區的玩具行業工作。像大多數年輕夫婦一樣，哈迪夫婦面臨著南加州房價過高的挑戰。他們最終在一個不太理想的社區安了家，這裏的學校體系不太受重視（哈迪夫婦有兩個女兒），小戶型房子的平均價格還在40萬美元左右。
Eric Hardie works in the toy industry in the Los Angeles area. Like most young couples, the Hardies have faced quite a challenge with the overpriced Southern California housing market. They finally settled on a home in a less-than-ideal neighborhood, where the school system is marginal (the Hardies have two daughters), and where the average price for a small single-family house is still about $400,000.
幾年前，跨國玩具和桌上棋盤遊戲公司「孩之寶」（Hasbro）給埃裏克提供了一個千載難逢的工作機會，而且還大幅加薪。孩之寶的總部位於羅得島州的波塔基特市，20萬美元可以買到一戶3-4居室的好房子。學校的收費標準也明顯高於哈迪夫婦現在所在的社區。搬到新英格蘭，對哈迪一家來說是個大勝利。大多數夫妻都會熱情地接受這份工作，舉家搬遷。
Several years ago, Hasbro, a multinational toy and board game company, offered Eric a once-in-a-lifetime job opportunity that came with a significant salary increase. Hasbro’s headquarters are located in Pawtucket, Rhode Island, where $200,000 buys a family a nice 3–4 bedroom home. The schools rate significantly higher than those in the Hardies’ current neighborhood, as well. A move to New England would have been a big win for the Hardie family. Most couples would have enthusiastically accepted the job and relocated their family.
埃裏克和他的妻子珍妮卻拒絕了這個提議。哈迪夫婦深深地紮根於教會的大家庭中，無法想像少了他們在〈海濱市基督教團契〉（Oceanside Christian Fellowship，OCF）多年培養的人際關係的生活。由於他們的長期任職，埃裏克和珍妮對OCF其他人的生活具有很大的影響力，無論是在正式的靈命培養和藝術領域，還是在非正式的，他們與教會中的弟兄姐妹的日常關係中，這些弟兄姐妹都非常愛護和尊重哈迪夫婦和他們的女兒。
Eric and his wife, Jeannie, declined the offer. The Hardies are deeply embedded in their church family and could not imagine life without the relationships they had cultivated during their years at Oceanside Christian Fellowship. And because of their long tenure, Eric and Jeannie are highly influential in the lives of others at OCF, both formally, in the areas of spiritual formation and the arts, and informally, in their day-to-day relationships with brothers and sisters in the church who have come to dearly love and respect the Hardies and their daughters.
雖然我們可能不會面臨搬遷的決定，但我們當中的許多人以更微妙的方式優先考慮自然家庭。我們讓我們的家庭忙得不可開交，以至於幾乎沒有時間去發展神為祂的信仰家庭所預備的那種關係。當我們這樣做的時候，我們就會教給我們的孩子錯誤的人際關係優先等級。
While we may not be faced with a decision to relocate, many of us prioritize natural family in more subtle ways. We keep our families so busy that little time remains to develop the kinds of relationships God intends for his faith family. When we do this, we teach our kids the wrong relational priorities.
布蘭登·卡什是我教會的一位牧師，他是一位有四個孩子（5歲到16歲）、很明智的父親。布蘭登和他的妻子每次只允許每個孩子參加一項非學校、非教會的活動。卡什夫婦希望他們的孩子每週都有時間和教會的家人在一起，即使是在非正式的場合，以便和所有年齡段的基督徒建立有意義的關係。卡什夫婦意識到，與其他愛耶穌的人交往是培養基督徒品格的最佳途徑。我們被造是為了在神的大家庭中茁壯成長。
Brandon Cash, one of the pastors at my church, is a wise father of four children, ages 5 to 16. Brandon and his wife allow each child to participate in only one non-school, non-church activity at a time. The Cashes want their kids to have time each week to spend with their church family, even in informal settings, in order to develop meaningful relationships with Christians of all ages. The Cashes realize that Christian character is best developed by associating with others who love Jesus. We were made to thrive in the community of God’s family.
為了教會的健康
For the Health of the Church
回歸早期基督教的人際關係優先等級，不僅可以增進個人的靈性成長，也可以改善西方教會在現在已經成為後基督教文化中的健康狀況。
A return to early Christian relational priorities will not only enhance personal spiritual growth, but also will improve the health of the Western church in what has now become a post-Christian culture.
許多人都對近年來千禧年一代基督徒大規模離開教會感到惋惜（根據2011年巴納集團的研究，59%的人離開教會）。雖然大家都在關注為什麼這麼多千禧年一代離開教會，但其餘人選擇留下來的原因同樣令人著迷。根據2013年巴拿的一項研究，「千禧年一代中最積極的教會體驗是關係型的」。但不是任何關係都可以。在年輕人保持與信仰團體聯繫的原因中，跨世代關係（Intergenerational relationships）位居榜首。那些留下來的人與教會中的成年人有親密的個人友誼的可能性，是離開的人的兩倍（59%對比31%）。
Many have lamented the mass exodus of Millennial Christians from the church in recent years (59% according to a 2011 Barna Group study). While everyone focuses on why so many Millennials leave the church, the reasons that the rest choose to stay are just as fascinating. According to a 2013 Barna study, “the most positive church experiences among Millennials are relational.” But not just any relationship will do. Intergenerational relationships topped the list of reasons young people remain connected to their faith communities. Those who stayed were twice as likely to have a close personal friendship with an adult in the church as those who left (compare 59% with 31%).
正如巴拿的總裁David Kinnaman所說，
As Barna president David Kinnaman said,
培養跨世代關係是有效能的信仰群體在年輕人和老年人當中開展出蓬勃發展的信仰的最重要方法之一。在許多教會中，這意味著要改變說法，從簡單地把接力棒傳給下一代，轉變為更實用、更符合聖經的身體（即整個信仰群體，跨越人的一生）的圖景，一起努力實現神為我們所設定的目的。
Cultivating intergenerational relationships is one of the most important ways in which effective faith communities are developing flourishing faith in both young and old. In many churches, this means changing the metaphor from simply passing the baton to the next generation to a more functional, biblical picture of a body—that is, the entire community of faith, across the entire lifespan, working together to fulfill God’s purposes.
把神的家看成是我們主要的家庭，也會減少把婚姻、教養兒女和家庭活動當成特權的情況，而有關單身和獨身的神學也會更加健全。根據《新約》聖經，神的家——而不是婚姻——是靈性成長的主要共同體。在早期的基督徒中，婚姻和單身都從屬於教會是一個家的總體模式之下，以及接受大使命、為基督贏得世界的總體熱情之下。
Seeing the family of God as our primary family will also lead to less privileging of marriage, parenting, and family dynamics, and a more robust theology of singleness and celibacy. According to the New Testament, the family of God—not marriage—is the primary community in which spiritual growth occurs. Among the early Christians, marriage and singleness were both subordinated to the overarching model of the church as a family and to an overarching passion to accept the Great Commission and win the world for Christ.
在《新約》聖經中，宣教、婚姻和單身在哥林多前書第七章中有最清楚的交集，婚姻被看作是對我們肉體欲望的「讓步」（第6節；「容許」），而單身則被稱讚為「身體靈魂都獻給主」（第34節；《和合本》作：身體靈魂都聖潔）的上等方式。保羅甚至說，男人不結婚是好的。因為單身的人，無論男女，都是「為主的事掛慮」（32節）。
In the New Testament, mission, marriage, and singleness intersect most clearly in 1 Corinthians 7, where marriage is viewed as “a concession” to our physical desires (v. 6) and singleness is commended as the superior way to be “devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit” (v. 34). Paul even says, “It is good for a man not to marry,” because a single person, male or female, is “concerned about the Lord’s affairs” (v. 32).
這是聖經中唯一一處將單身和婚姻並列評價各自服侍神的能力的地方，保羅的優先次序與我們今天在大多數教會中看到的優先次序看起來很不一樣。
This is the only place in the Bible where singleness and marriage are evaluated side by side for their respective abilities to serve God, and Paul’s priorities look quite different from the priorities we see in most of our churches today.
如果我們不把神的家擺在第一位，我們就會因為無意中忽略了教會家庭的成員而阻礙了教會的事工。大多數成年人會結婚，但很多人不會。而那些結了婚的人，都是在人生中很晚才結婚的，往往在青春期和婚姻之間留下了十幾年的單身成年生活。在我們中間也有弟兄姐妹在與同性的吸引力作鬥爭。一個將自然家庭淩駕於神的家之上，將婚姻讚美為人際關係的縮影的基督教團體，對於那些為了以主所喜悅的方式生活而必須承諾暫時獨身，甚至是一生單身的人來說，沒有什麼可以提供給他們。
If we don’t put the family of God first, we can stunt the ministry of the church by inadvertently ignoring members of our church family. Most adults will marry, but many will not. And those who do are marrying much later in life, often leaving a decade or more of single adulthood between adolescence and matrimony. There are also brothers and sisters among us who struggle with same-sex attraction. A Christian community that privileges the natural family over the family of God, and which extols marriage as the epitome of human relationships, has nothing to offer those who must commit to celibacy for a season—or even for a lifetime—in order to live in a manner pleasing to the Lord.
聖經中對教會的看法是把神的家作為人際關係的第一優先事項，把單身和婚姻都置於神的家的大標題之下。它鼓勵來自各種背景的單身的人和家庭，無論老少，彼此建立有意義的關係。它還動員社區中的每一個人運用他們的恩賜，以適合他們當前生活狀況的方式，為基督的身體謀福利，推動福音的發展。
A biblical view of the church that places the family of God as the first relational priority situates both singleness and marriage under the overarching rubric of the family of God. It encourages singles and families from every background, young and old, to cultivate meaningful relationships with each another. And it mobilizes everyone in the community to use their gifts for the benefit of the Body of Christ to advance the gospel in a way that fits their current life situation.
神希望祂所有的兒女都能長成「滿有基督的身量」（弗四13），而我們的屬靈福祉取決於正確地安排人際關係的優先次序。我們需要學習採用耶穌的人際關係優先順序，把神的家擺在第一位。
God wants all of his children to grow up into “the fullness of Christ” (Eph. 4:13), and our spiritual wellbeing depends upon rightly prioritized relationships. We need to learn to adopt Jesus’ relational priorities and put the family of God first.
譯按：這篇文章必須按照「在基督裏的自由」，也就是在福音裏的自由這個總原則來閱讀，不能作為華人教會常見的、用來轄制基督徒良心的律法主義式的教導來應用。
約瑟夫·H·海勒曼是塔爾伯特神學院（Talbot School of Theology）新約聖經語言和文學教授，最近的著作是《擁抱共享的事工》（Embracing Shared Ministry: Power and Status in the Early Church and Why It Matters Today） (Kregel Ministry)。
Joseph H. Hellerman is Professor of New Testament Language and Literature at Talbot School of Theology and author, most recently, of Embracing Shared Ministry: Power and Status in the Early Church and Why It Matters Today (Kregel).
幾年來，我在一個以致力於普世宣教而聞名的教會中服事。我們當中的許多大學生都蒙召去做全職的跨文化事工，其中包括一個名叫比爾的聰明年輕人。然而，他父母對這件事的反應使比爾大吃一驚。他的家人一直在經濟上支持宣教士，為他們禱告，甚至在他們離開禾場休假時，還為他們提供主日午餐。但是，他們的兒子要把自己的生命獻給海外宣教的想法，對比爾的父母來說，卻實在難以接受。他們希望比爾能找到穩定的工作，養育一個美好的基督教家庭——當然是像他們那樣支持宣教。
For several years, I served in a church that was known for its commitment to world missions. Many of our college kids were called into full-time cross-cultural ministry, including a bright young man named Bill. The reaction of his parents, however, caught Bill by surprise. His family had supported missionaries financially, prayed for them, and even fed them Sunday lunch when they were on furlough from the field. But the idea of their son giving his life to overseas missions was too much for Bill’s parents. They wanted Bill to find steady employment and raise a nice Christian family—one that supports missions, of course—like they had.
比爾的父母很難說是獨一無二的。根據巴拿機構最近的一項研究，美國成年人「最有可能指出他們的家庭構成了他們個人身份的一個重要部分」。其次是國家和上帝。基督徒也不例外；自然血緣家庭已經取代了上帝和祂的家庭，成為大多數教會信徒的主要身份標誌。
Bill’s parents are hardly unique. American adults, according to a recent Barna study, are “most likely to point to their family as making up a significant part their personal identity.” Country and God come next. Christians are no exception; natural family has usurped God and his family as the primary identity marker for most church-goers.
我們大多數人把對家庭的承諾放在優先於對教會的承諾之上。這是很不幸的，因為聖經為我們提供了一套不同的關係優先順序。
Most of us prioritize our commitment to family above our commitment to the church. This is unfortunate, because the Bible offers us a different set of relational priorities.
耶穌：是支持家庭還是反對家庭？
Jesus: Pro- or Anti-Family?
許多基督徒正確地說道，神愛家庭。在整本聖經中，家庭被賦予了在主裏養育孩童的任務。丈夫和妻子被命令要彼此忠誠，兒女要孝敬父母。保羅寫道：「人若不看顧親屬，就是背了真道，比不信的人還不好，不看顧自己家裏的人，更是如此。」（提前五8）。
Many Christians rightly say that God loves family. All throughout Scripture, families are given the task of rearing children in the Lord. Husbands and wives are commanded to be faithful to one another, and children to their parents. Paul writes that “Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 Tim. 5:8).
然而，在福音書中，我們發現關於家庭的指示是五花八門的。在一些地方，比如馬太福音十五章3-4節，耶穌似乎是支持家庭的，質疑法利賽人對第五條誡命「孝敬父母」的承諾。但在其他地方，祂似乎是反對家庭的。例如，在路加福音中，祂說：「人到我這裏來，若不愛我勝過愛（愛我勝過愛：原文作恨）自己的父母、妻子、兒女、弟兄、姐妹，和自己的性命，就不能作我的門徒。」（十四26）。
Yet in the Gospels, we find a mixed bag of instructions about family. In some places, like Matthew 15:3–4, Jesus appears to be pro-family, questioning the Pharisees’ commitment to the fifth commandment to “honor your father and mother.” But in other places, he seems to be anti-family. For instance, in Luke he says, “If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple” (14:26).
雖然我們感到震驚，但耶穌在路加福音中所說的這句話，其含義對祂第一世紀的聽眾來說，尤其具有挑戰性。古代地中海社會是一種強勢的群體文化。群體的健康和生存，優先於個人的目標和欲望。對家庭的忠誠構成了《新約》世界中人與人之間最重要的人際關係美德。
While shocking to us, the meaning of Jesus’s statement in Luke would have been especially challenging to his first-century audience. Ancient Mediterranean society was a strong-group culture. The health and survival of the group took priority over the goals and desires of individual members. Loyalty to family constituted the most important relational virtue for persons in the New Testament world.
但跟隨耶穌就意味著會隸屬於兩個家庭，一個是自然血緣家庭，一個是信仰家庭。與祂周圍的文化不同，對耶穌來說，最重要的是信仰家庭。耶穌「伸手指著門徒，說：『看哪，我的母親，我的弟兄。凡遵行我天父旨意的人，就是我的弟兄姐妹和母親了。』」（太十二46-50）。
But following Jesus meant belonging to two families, a natural family and a faith family. Unlike his surrounding culture, what is most important to Jesus is faith family: “Pointing to his disciples, he said, ‘Here are my mother and my brothers. For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother’” (Matt. 12:46–50).
耶穌呼召我們加入一個新的家庭，這就產生了不可避免的忠誠衝突。我現在該向哪個家庭效忠呢？
Jesus’ call to join a new family generates an unavoidable loyalty conflict. Which family do I now owe my ultimate loyalty?
擺正我們的優先次序
Getting Our Priorities Straight
我們大多數人都會對自己人際關係的優先等級進行這樣的排序：
1. 上帝
2. 我的家庭
3. 上帝的家（教會）
4. 其他
Most of us would rank our relationship priorities like this:
God
My family
God’s family (church)
Others
但聖經和基督教歷史都強化了神的家應該高於自然血緣家庭的觀念。耶穌主要不是呼召個人與祂建立私人的關係，而是呼召我們加入一個運動，成為新的家庭的一部分。對上帝的忠誠可以與對神的家的忠誠分開的觀念，對耶穌和早期的基督徒來說是陌生的。正如第三世紀迦太基的神學家居普良的名言：「不以教會為母親的人，也無法以上帝為父親。」
But both Scripture and Christian history reinforce the idea that the family of God should rank higher than natural family. Jesus did not primarily call individuals into a private relationship with him. He calls us to join a movement, to become part of a new family. The notion that loyalty to God could somehow be separated from loyalty to God’s family would have been foreign to Jesus and the early Christians. As third-century theologian Cyprian of Carthage famously said, “He who does not have the church for his mother cannot have God for his Father.”
西方福音派傾向於將耶穌視為個人的屬靈訓練師，與祂進行一對一地交流，導致我們把對上帝的忠誠和對神的家的忠誠區分開來。但對耶穌來說，與上帝建立關係的唯一途徑是在祂的家的共同體中。因此，耶穌的人際關係優先等級是這樣的：
Western evangelicals tend to think of Jesus as a personal spiritual trainer with whom we interact one-on-one, leading us to distinguish between loyalty to God and loyalty to God’s family. But for Jesus, the only way to relate to God is within the community of his family. Thus, Jesus’ relational priorities look something like this:
1. 上帝
2. 我的家庭
3. 其他
God and his family
My family
Others
雖然這個排序對大多數西方福音派來說很難接受，但卻能更好地理解耶穌的 「反家庭」言論。如果上帝和祂的家優先於我們的自然家庭，那麼家庭忠誠度衝突的問題就解決了。因為耶穌生活在一個家庭忠誠度至上的文化中，如果祂打算建立一個新的信仰家庭——一個優先于自然家庭的家庭——在祂在地上的職事中，祂顯然必須一次次地挑戰對自然家庭的忠誠度。這正是我們在福音書中所發現的。
While this ranking is tough for most Western evangelicals to embrace, it makes better sense of Jesus’ “anti-family” statements. If God and his family take priority over our natural families, the problem of conflicting family loyalty is solved. Because Jesus lived in a culture where family loyalty reigned supreme, if he intended to establish a new faith family—one which would take priority over the natural family—he would obviously have to challenge natural family loyalty time and again during his earthly ministry. This is precisely what we find in the Gospels.
儘管我們的自然家庭仍然是我們在世間最重要的關係，但我們必須學會將我們的自然家庭置於神的家的總體框架之下——不是作為爭奪時間和注意力的不同社會實體，而是作為同一個家庭的成員。
While our natural families are still the most significant earthly relationships we have, we must learn to situate our natural families under the overarching rubric of the family of God—not as distinct social entities competing for time and attention but as members of the same family.
由家庭塑造
Formed by the Family
耶穌的人際關係優先事項幫助我們明白，教會——神的家——在這裏不是為了服務於我們家庭的利益、它的喜好、欲望和需要。相反，我們的家庭是來服務神的家的。
Jesus’ relationship priorities help us understand that the church—the family of God—is not here to serve the interests of our family, it’s preferences, desires, and needs. Rather, our families are here to serve the family of God.
埃裏克·哈迪（Eric Hardie）在洛杉磯地區的玩具行業工作。像大多數年輕夫婦一樣，哈迪夫婦面臨著南加州房價過高的挑戰。他們最終在一個不太理想的社區安了家，這裏的學校體系不太受重視（哈迪夫婦有兩個女兒），小戶型房子的平均價格還在40萬美元左右。
Eric Hardie works in the toy industry in the Los Angeles area. Like most young couples, the Hardies have faced quite a challenge with the overpriced Southern California housing market. They finally settled on a home in a less-than-ideal neighborhood, where the school system is marginal (the Hardies have two daughters), and where the average price for a small single-family house is still about $400,000.
幾年前，跨國玩具和桌上棋盤遊戲公司「孩之寶」（Hasbro）給埃裏克提供了一個千載難逢的工作機會，而且還大幅加薪。孩之寶的總部位於羅得島州的波塔基特市，20萬美元可以買到一戶3-4居室的好房子。學校的收費標準也明顯高於哈迪夫婦現在所在的社區。搬到新英格蘭，對哈迪一家來說是個大勝利。大多數夫妻都會熱情地接受這份工作，舉家搬遷。
Several years ago, Hasbro, a multinational toy and board game company, offered Eric a once-in-a-lifetime job opportunity that came with a significant salary increase. Hasbro’s headquarters are located in Pawtucket, Rhode Island, where $200,000 buys a family a nice 3–4 bedroom home. The schools rate significantly higher than those in the Hardies’ current neighborhood, as well. A move to New England would have been a big win for the Hardie family. Most couples would have enthusiastically accepted the job and relocated their family.
埃裏克和他的妻子珍妮卻拒絕了這個提議。哈迪夫婦深深地紮根於教會的大家庭中，無法想像少了他們在〈海濱市基督教團契〉（Oceanside Christian Fellowship，OCF）多年培養的人際關係的生活。由於他們的長期任職，埃裏克和珍妮對OCF其他人的生活具有很大的影響力，無論是在正式的靈命培養和藝術領域，還是在非正式的，他們與教會中的弟兄姐妹的日常關係中，這些弟兄姐妹都非常愛護和尊重哈迪夫婦和他們的女兒。
Eric and his wife, Jeannie, declined the offer. The Hardies are deeply embedded in their church family and could not imagine life without the relationships they had cultivated during their years at Oceanside Christian Fellowship. And because of their long tenure, Eric and Jeannie are highly influential in the lives of others at OCF, both formally, in the areas of spiritual formation and the arts, and informally, in their day-to-day relationships with brothers and sisters in the church who have come to dearly love and respect the Hardies and their daughters.
雖然我們可能不會面臨搬遷的決定，但我們當中的許多人以更微妙的方式優先考慮自然家庭。我們讓我們的家庭忙得不可開交，以至於幾乎沒有時間去發展神為祂的信仰家庭所預備的那種關係。當我們這樣做的時候，我們就會教給我們的孩子錯誤的人際關係優先等級。
While we may not be faced with a decision to relocate, many of us prioritize natural family in more subtle ways. We keep our families so busy that little time remains to develop the kinds of relationships God intends for his faith family. When we do this, we teach our kids the wrong relational priorities.
布蘭登·卡什是我教會的一位牧師，他是一位有四個孩子（5歲到16歲）、很明智的父親。布蘭登和他的妻子每次只允許每個孩子參加一項非學校、非教會的活動。卡什夫婦希望他們的孩子每週都有時間和教會的家人在一起，即使是在非正式的場合，以便和所有年齡段的基督徒建立有意義的關係。卡什夫婦意識到，與其他愛耶穌的人交往是培養基督徒品格的最佳途徑。我們被造是為了在神的大家庭中茁壯成長。
Brandon Cash, one of the pastors at my church, is a wise father of four children, ages 5 to 16. Brandon and his wife allow each child to participate in only one non-school, non-church activity at a time. The Cashes want their kids to have time each week to spend with their church family, even in informal settings, in order to develop meaningful relationships with Christians of all ages. The Cashes realize that Christian character is best developed by associating with others who love Jesus. We were made to thrive in the community of God’s family.
為了教會的健康
For the Health of the Church
回歸早期基督教的人際關係優先等級，不僅可以增進個人的靈性成長，也可以改善西方教會在現在已經成為後基督教文化中的健康狀況。
A return to early Christian relational priorities will not only enhance personal spiritual growth, but also will improve the health of the Western church in what has now become a post-Christian culture.
許多人都對近年來千禧年一代基督徒大規模離開教會感到惋惜（根據2011年巴納集團的研究，59%的人離開教會）。雖然大家都在關注為什麼這麼多千禧年一代離開教會，但其餘人選擇留下來的原因同樣令人著迷。根據2013年巴拿的一項研究，「千禧年一代中最積極的教會體驗是關係型的」。但不是任何關係都可以。在年輕人保持與信仰團體聯繫的原因中，跨世代關係（Intergenerational relationships）位居榜首。那些留下來的人與教會中的成年人有親密的個人友誼的可能性，是離開的人的兩倍（59%對比31%）。
Many have lamented the mass exodus of Millennial Christians from the church in recent years (59% according to a 2011 Barna Group study). While everyone focuses on why so many Millennials leave the church, the reasons that the rest choose to stay are just as fascinating. According to a 2013 Barna study, “the most positive church experiences among Millennials are relational.” But not just any relationship will do. Intergenerational relationships topped the list of reasons young people remain connected to their faith communities. Those who stayed were twice as likely to have a close personal friendship with an adult in the church as those who left (compare 59% with 31%).
正如巴拿的總裁David Kinnaman所說，
As Barna president David Kinnaman said,
培養跨世代關係是有效能的信仰群體在年輕人和老年人當中開展出蓬勃發展的信仰的最重要方法之一。在許多教會中，這意味著要改變說法，從簡單地把接力棒傳給下一代，轉變為更實用、更符合聖經的身體（即整個信仰群體，跨越人的一生）的圖景，一起努力實現神為我們所設定的目的。
Cultivating intergenerational relationships is one of the most important ways in which effective faith communities are developing flourishing faith in both young and old. In many churches, this means changing the metaphor from simply passing the baton to the next generation to a more functional, biblical picture of a body—that is, the entire community of faith, across the entire lifespan, working together to fulfill God’s purposes.
把神的家看成是我們主要的家庭，也會減少把婚姻、教養兒女和家庭活動當成特權的情況，而有關單身和獨身的神學也會更加健全。根據《新約》聖經，神的家——而不是婚姻——是靈性成長的主要共同體。在早期的基督徒中，婚姻和單身都從屬於教會是一個家的總體模式之下，以及接受大使命、為基督贏得世界的總體熱情之下。
Seeing the family of God as our primary family will also lead to less privileging of marriage, parenting, and family dynamics, and a more robust theology of singleness and celibacy. According to the New Testament, the family of God—not marriage—is the primary community in which spiritual growth occurs. Among the early Christians, marriage and singleness were both subordinated to the overarching model of the church as a family and to an overarching passion to accept the Great Commission and win the world for Christ.
在《新約》聖經中，宣教、婚姻和單身在哥林多前書第七章中有最清楚的交集，婚姻被看作是對我們肉體欲望的「讓步」（第6節；「容許」），而單身則被稱讚為「身體靈魂都獻給主」（第34節；《和合本》作：身體靈魂都聖潔）的上等方式。保羅甚至說，男人不結婚是好的。因為單身的人，無論男女，都是「為主的事掛慮」（32節）。
In the New Testament, mission, marriage, and singleness intersect most clearly in 1 Corinthians 7, where marriage is viewed as “a concession” to our physical desires (v. 6) and singleness is commended as the superior way to be “devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit” (v. 34). Paul even says, “It is good for a man not to marry,” because a single person, male or female, is “concerned about the Lord’s affairs” (v. 32).
這是聖經中唯一一處將單身和婚姻並列評價各自服侍神的能力的地方，保羅的優先次序與我們今天在大多數教會中看到的優先次序看起來很不一樣。
This is the only place in the Bible where singleness and marriage are evaluated side by side for their respective abilities to serve God, and Paul’s priorities look quite different from the priorities we see in most of our churches today.
如果我們不把神的家擺在第一位，我們就會因為無意中忽略了教會家庭的成員而阻礙了教會的事工。大多數成年人會結婚，但很多人不會。而那些結了婚的人，都是在人生中很晚才結婚的，往往在青春期和婚姻之間留下了十幾年的單身成年生活。在我們中間也有弟兄姐妹在與同性的吸引力作鬥爭。一個將自然家庭淩駕於神的家之上，將婚姻讚美為人際關係的縮影的基督教團體，對於那些為了以主所喜悅的方式生活而必須承諾暫時獨身，甚至是一生單身的人來說，沒有什麼可以提供給他們。
If we don’t put the family of God first, we can stunt the ministry of the church by inadvertently ignoring members of our church family. Most adults will marry, but many will not. And those who do are marrying much later in life, often leaving a decade or more of single adulthood between adolescence and matrimony. There are also brothers and sisters among us who struggle with same-sex attraction. A Christian community that privileges the natural family over the family of God, and which extols marriage as the epitome of human relationships, has nothing to offer those who must commit to celibacy for a season—or even for a lifetime—in order to live in a manner pleasing to the Lord.
聖經中對教會的看法是把神的家作為人際關係的第一優先事項，把單身和婚姻都置於神的家的大標題之下。它鼓勵來自各種背景的單身的人和家庭，無論老少，彼此建立有意義的關係。它還動員社區中的每一個人運用他們的恩賜，以適合他們當前生活狀況的方式，為基督的身體謀福利，推動福音的發展。
A biblical view of the church that places the family of God as the first relational priority situates both singleness and marriage under the overarching rubric of the family of God. It encourages singles and families from every background, young and old, to cultivate meaningful relationships with each another. And it mobilizes everyone in the community to use their gifts for the benefit of the Body of Christ to advance the gospel in a way that fits their current life situation.
神希望祂所有的兒女都能長成「滿有基督的身量」（弗四13），而我們的屬靈福祉取決於正確地安排人際關係的優先次序。我們需要學習採用耶穌的人際關係優先順序，把神的家擺在第一位。
God wants all of his children to grow up into “the fullness of Christ” (Eph. 4:13), and our spiritual wellbeing depends upon rightly prioritized relationships. We need to learn to adopt Jesus’ relational priorities and put the family of God first.
譯按：這篇文章必須按照「在基督裏的自由」，也就是在福音裏的自由這個總原則來閱讀，不能作為華人教會常見的、用來轄制基督徒良心的律法主義式的教導來應用。
約瑟夫·H·海勒曼是塔爾伯特神學院（Talbot School of Theology）新約聖經語言和文學教授，最近的著作是《擁抱共享的事工》（Embracing Shared Ministry: Power and Status in the Early Church and Why It Matters Today） (Kregel Ministry)。
Joseph H. Hellerman is Professor of New Testament Language and Literature at Talbot School of Theology and author, most recently, of Embracing Shared Ministry: Power and Status in the Early Church and Why It Matters Today (Kregel).
