以基督为中心的友情Christ-CenteredFriendship

作者：Christine Hoover译者:  Duncan Liang

https://tabletalkmagazine.com/posts/2018/03/christ-centered-friendship/

http://mp.weixin.qq.com/s/nd630ae2zsEVpbiCfUHG-Q

友情对基督徒的成长和坚忍而言至关重要，但我们常常并不是在教会里认识这种关系。也许友情在教会很少处在明显位置，这是因为我们认定人应很自然、开开心心就培养出这种关系，但弟兄姊妹之爱，这要求我们要有极大超自然的忍耐和实际方面的技巧。没有合乎圣经的认识和教导，我们对对友情的认识，就很容易扭曲，并且常常以自我为导向。因此很重要的，就是不仅我们自己、也帮助其他人深入认识合乎圣经的友情，也要确保我们的友情是以基督为中心。

Friendship is vital to our growth and endurance as Christians, but friendship is the type of relationship we do not often learn about in the church. Perhaps friendship is seldom at the forefront because we assume it should develop naturally and happily, whereas brotherly and sisterly love require much supernatural forbearance and practical skill. In the absence of biblical thought and teaching, we tend toward a distorted and often self-oriented understanding of what friendship should be. Therefore, it is important not only that we have and instill in others a deep understanding of biblical friendship but that we also ensure our friendships are centered on Christ.

什么是基督徒的友情？

WHAT IS CHRISTIAN FRIENDSHIP?

当然我们需要在日常生活中与非基督徒建立友情，但是我们必须首先考虑我们基督徒的友情是否健康，基督徒的友情关系应遵行耶稣“彼此相爱”的命令，以至于“众人因此就认出我们是祂的门徒”（ 约13:35）。这些是我们在教会里的友情。那么到底我们应当如何定义基督徒的友情？

We will, of course, engage friendships with non-Christians in our everyday lives, but we must first consider the health of our Christian friendships, those relationships that fulfill Jesus’ command to “love one another” in such a way that “all people will know that [we] are [His] disciples” (John 13:35). These are our friendships within the church. How, exactly, should we define Christian friendship?

要认识基督徒的友情，我们就要首先从神祂自己开始。创造界的第一段友情，始于神向人类伸手。起初，他寻找祂造的人与祂为友。在亘古的过去，三位一体的神享有神性之内完全的友情。祂并不需要与我们建立友情，但祂要祂创造、背负祂形象的人与祂分享这种团契关系，因此祂造男造女，把他们当作朋友，与他们同行。我们都很清楚，亚当和夏娃犯罪，摧毁了这友情关系，但神的回应，就是在耶稣基督里再次向我们伸出友情之手。耶稣说：“人为朋友舍命，人的爱心没有比这个大的。”（约15:13）祂确实舍命，把那根除我们与神亲密关系的敌意消灭，让这亲密关系可以得到恢复。现在，如果我们唯独相信基督，就可以再次与神相交。

An understanding of Christian friendship starts with God Himself. The first friendship in creation began when God extended His hand toward humanity. In the beginning, He sought out the company of those He had created. From eternity past, the triune God enjoyed perfect friendship within the Godhead. He had no need of our friendship, but He wanted His creaturely image bearers to share in that fellowship, so He created man and woman, and He walked with them as friends. Adam and Eve, as we know well, destroyed that friendship through sin, but God responded by extending friendship to us again in Jesus Christ. Jesus said, “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13). And He did lay down His life so that the hostility that had eradicated our intimacy with God could be eliminated and that intimacy restored. Now we have fellowship with God once again if our faith is in Christ alone.

我们为什么要认识救赎历史，才能定义何为基督徒的友情？因为神发起和显明友情关系，这是弟兄姊妹之爱的根基：“我们爱，因为神先爱我们。”（约壹4:19）不认识这一点，甚至有时反其道行之，我们就是用人的爱取代神的爱，从人那里寻找那只有神能给我们的——无条件的爱、全知的亲密、完全的供应和心灵的安稳。

Why must we know redemptive history in order to define Christian friendship? Because God’s initiation and demonstration of friendship are the foundation of brotherly and sisterly love: “We love because he first loved us” (1 John 4:19). Without this knowledge, or sometimes even in spite of it, we exchange God’s love for people’s love and look to them for what only God can give—unconditional love, all-knowing intimacy, perfect provision, and soul security.

我们的友情出了如此多问题，因我们认为人应像神一样回应我们，或者我们认定，神对我们的回应，就像不完全的人一样。当我们企图只在人的友情里寻觅我们的安全感和价值，我们就成了拜偶像的人：“因为我的百姓作了两件恶事，就是离弃我这活水的泉源，为自己凿出池子，是破裂不能存水的池子。”（耶2:13）

So many of our friendship issues arise because we think people should respond as God does, or we assume that God responds to us as imperfect people do. When we attempt to find our security and value solely in human friendship, we become idolaters: “For my people have committed two evils: they have forsaken me, the fountain of living waters, and hewed out cisterns for themselves, broken cisterns that can hold no water” (Jer. 2:13).

那么我们要知道我们的友情是否以基督为中心，一种方法就是问，我们是否不断以与神的友情为乐。当我们认识祂每天与我们的相交关系，我们也就认识到，祂爱、认识、看顾我们的能力是无瑕无限；这样，我们就不把人的友情本不应承受的压力放在它身上，就能按其原本第二的位置享受人的友情。 

One way we can know that our friendships are centered on Christ, then, is if we are consistently enjoying the friendship of God. When we know His daily companionship, we also know that His ability to love, know, and care for us is limitless and flawless, and human friendship can be enjoyed in its proper, secondary place because we are not putting pressure on it that it was never meant to bear.

因此，合乎圣经的基督徒友情，让我们把自己维系在基督这又坚固又牢靠的锚之上，以此让我们得安全；我们紧紧以祂为锚时，就能按他给我们的机会，向其他人赠予、从其他人领受友情这份礼物。我们的目标，就是与其他基督徒一道以神为乐，在我们经历人生的时候，就与我们的朋友彼此相感，磨出刃来。

So, biblical, Christian friendship entails securing ourselves to the sure, steadfast anchor of Christ and, while holding to that anchor, giving and receiving the gift of friendship to others as He gives us opportunity. The goal is to enjoy God together with other Christians and, as we move through life, to sharpen our friends and to allow ourselves to be sharpened by them.

赠予、领受友情这份礼物

GIVING AND RECEIVING THE GIFT OF FRIENDSHIP

当我们为着那终极的友情紧紧抓住祂、仰望祂，就能效法祂如何首先把祂自己给了我们，向其他人施予爱。合乎圣经的基督徒友情不仅以神为起点，以基督为我们的榜样，而且也是以神为终点。神是我们彼此相爱的对象。

As we hold to Him and look to Him for ultimate friendship, we can extend love to others in imitation of how He first extended Himself to us. Biblical, Christian friendship not only starts with God and is modeled for us by Christ, but it ends with Him too. God is the object of our love toward others.

要做到向其他人施予友情，却不常常求人的回报，对他人心怀过份期望，唯一的办法就是让神不断作我们爱和敬拜的对象。一种以基督为中心的友情，不会向这友情索取，过于神在一开始要它向人提供的。换言之，我们绝不可向不完全的人要求完全，或追求基督徒群体生活的某种理想化版本（这种理想化的生活是我们在这地上永远捉摸不住的）。以基督为中心的友情不会忘记，人的友情这份礼物，虽然来自一位完全、施人恩赐的神，却是以不完全的人这种形式临到我们，不完全的人让我们失望，伤害我们，就如我们会让他们失望，伤害他们一样。

Keeping Him as the object of our love and worship is the only way we can extend friendship toward others without constantly looking for something in return or having demanding expectations of others. A Christ-centered friendship will not demand more from friendship than God intended it to provide. In other words, we mustn’t demand perfection from imperfect people, nor seek some ideal version of Christian community that will always elude us on earth. Christ-centered friends remember that the gift of human friendship, though from a perfect Gift-giver, comes to us in the form of imperfect people who will disappoint and hurt us, as we will them.

我们要求展望的理想实现，让我们得到我们认为理应如何的友情时，我们就成了追逐自我的人。无论是有意还是无意，我们开始问这样的问题，谁在服侍我？教会在为我提供群体生活方面做得怎样？其他人让我有什么感受？谁在邀请我？这种关系能让我得到什么？这种关注与基督的榜样背道而驰，祂来是服侍人，而不是受人服侍。

When we demand our visionary ideal of what we think friendship ought to be, we become self-seeking. Consciously or not, we start asking questions such as Who is serving me? How is the church providing me with community? How are others making me feel? Who is inviting me? What’s in this relationship for me? This focus stands in contrast to Christ’s example, who came to serve rather than to be served.

以基督为中心的友情在于服侍他人，自问我们可以如何被神使用祝福我们朋友的生命，神如何使用他们祝福我们的生命。我们服侍其他人，看他们比我们自己重要，相信耶稣的话，就是施比受更有福。我们也相信，采取主动、服侍和爱其他人，这要给我们带来友情，但我们并不期望或要求对等回应。

Christ-centered friendship is about serving others, asking ourselves how God might use us in our friends’ lives and how He might want to use them in our lives. We serve others as more important than ourselves, believing Jesus’ words that it is more blessed to give than to receive. We also trust that initiating, serving, and loving another invites friendship, but we don’t expect or demand a reciprocal response.

我们的友情指向哪里？

WHERE DOES OUR FRIENDSHIP POINT?

最后，以基督为中心的友情总是思想，我们如何能把我们的朋友指向基督，而不是指回我们自己。许多人要高举施洗约翰的侍奉，树立他与耶稣竞争，但他明明白白地说：“我不是基督。”（约3:28）他而是因基督大大欢喜，以祂作新郎，看自己是新郎的朋友。

Finally, Christ-centered friendship always considers how we might point our friends toward Christ rather than back toward ourselves. John the Baptist, when many wanted to elevate his ministry and set him up as a competitor to Jesus, said plainly, “I am not the Christ” (John 3:28). Instead, he rejoiced in Christ as the Bridegroom and himself as the Bridegroom’s friend.

我们正确看待我们在友情中的地位，这是好的：我们不是基督。我们以为自己在我们的朋友面前是一类救主，必须要有当说的话，对每一种难题都有答案，对他们的所有难处都有解决之道吗？我们盼望受人敬重、仰慕，掌控人，或在友情当中以某种方式证明自己有理吗？高举我们自己作他们的基督，这就扭曲，并且最终要摧毁友情。我们不是基督，但我们认识基督，我们以基督为中心的友情的目标，必须总是把我们的朋友不断指向这位完美的朋友，以祂作他们真正的盼望。

We do well to think rightly of our place in friendship: we are not the Christ. Do we imagine ourselves as a type of savior to our friends, people who must have the right words to say, the answer to every problem, and the solution for all that is wrong for them? Do we hope to be revered, admired, in control, or validated in some way in the friendship? To set ourselves up as their Christ distorts and ultimately destroys the friendship. We are not the Christ, but we know the Christ, and our goal in Christ-centered friendship must always be to point our friends consistently to this perfect Friend as their true hope.

思想你的友情

CONSIDER YOUR FRIENDSHIPS

不断思想我们的友情，让神察验我们的内心，尝到、看到祂确实是我们友情的中心，这是应当的，也是好的。我们是否每天以神的友情为乐？我们是在努力服侍人，还是要受人服侍？当神赐下友情这份礼物，通过不完全的人赐下，我们是否与别人一道拆这份礼物？我们是否把我们的朋友指向那在基督里的盼望？如果是，我们那一位最亲爱的朋友就得到称颂与尊荣，我们诸多的朋友就更多像家人，而不是别的，我们就真有福了

It is right and good to consistently consider our friendships, to allow God to search our hearts, and to taste and see that He is in fact at the center of our friendships. Are we daily enjoying the friendship of God? Are we seeking to serve rather than to be served? Are we unwrapping the gift of friendship with others as He gives it—through imperfect people? And are we pointing our friends to the hope that is found in Christ? If so, our dearest Friend is blessed and honored, our friends resemble family more than anything else, and we are rich indeed.